The more I watch Grey's Anatomy, the more it reminds me how close I'm to death. It's not that close literally but it's close. How close? I don't have an answer to that.
I'm having a pain, which I decided to hide from people's knowledge. It's not that I don't want people to be worried of me, it's because I wasn't sure whether this disease is real or it's just part of my fantasy.
Parts of the symptoms of this pain that I'm currently undergo is frequent chest pain, routine cough and loss of appetite. I've been suffering from chest pain since I was 17 but I kept telling myself it's just a normal chest pain, it won't do any harm. But I guess now, it turned the other way round.
There's nothing I can do with the cough, though I'm supposed to get medicine for it. The last time I took it, it doesn't work the way it was supposed to be. And the medicine made me sleepy, that's the consequences of taking medicine, it makes you weak.
And loss of appetite, I really don't know what went wrong with my diet. There's a funny feeling I'm having with my stomach that I'm not able to take some food because I don't feel like eating it. At times, I lead myself to starvation. I still think that I'm overweight and I don't look thin, which makes me having this tendency to force myself to throw back the meals that I've taken and medically, it's not good.
I guess my habit on delaying things have trapped myself within health problems. I wish I have the courage to meet doctors and seek the solution to all this funny feelings. Like I said earlier, I'm scared if it turns out factual that I wish it would never be or what I'm think is actually my own imaginary.
Am I just being overreacting with the symptoms or am I supposed to act this way? Get a life, Amir!