29.8.09

I Don't Deserve The 25th Hour

It has been years since I last updated this blog. I'm not practically busy since you can still see me here and there in campus. It's just that I don't really have a quality allocated time to write stuff. My bad. Plus, not really in the mood to blog. Sorry about that. Sometimes, I forgot that I have 5 blogs to run, and up to date, all these blogs were left abandoned. Again, my bad.

Basically I was busy with my studies and I have to run few things at the same time. I'm not really an organized person but I'm still trying to be one. It sucks not being able to attend two events at the same time, and I'm really sorry for not being able to attend weekly theater classes and some sort of neglecting my own theater family.

Everytime, I repeat, everytime people ask me to come to events like meetings and gatherings and I have to decline due to improper time, they said hurting words that ached my feelings. Do you think it was easy for me to say no everytime I have to decline an offer? No. It wasn't easy. But I knew that were consequences that I have to deal with when I said no. I just want people to accept the declination and understand that I wanted to go but I can't.

I don't want to complaint but as advised by others, I need to share my problems. I don't have problems and I'll start having one when you think that not having a problem is my problem. I admit that I worry too much all the time but I have learnt to prioritize. I have learnt to delegate task and I have learnt to trust people. By doing so, I don't want to be seen as someone who tried to let go of everything I am responsibled for but merely a process of sharing responsibilities before passing this batton to a successor whom soon I'll find trustworthy.

By the way, I had just realized that I don't really have a best friend in university. I just have a few good friends whom I reckon as my family. When I say that you are my family, I care about you too much. When you're not talking to me, or neglect me, or abandon me, I felt hurt. I tried to be a better Amiruddin Fadzli and I know it wouldn't satisfy everybody. Sometimes, you guys were being unfair to me. Don't you understand that you're all important to me and the least thing that you can do is talk to me and smile to me when you meet me? It sucked me up to see dull faces and heavy mouth everytime I see my family members around campus. Maybe it's because of fasting perhaps. Or maybe, it's just my thought that went overreacted.

Salam Ramadhan to my Senandika family, I miss you guys everyday and I wish I always have time for you. And happy fasting to everybody!

3 comments:

nyda said...

adik!!
kakak miss u!

miss said...

A raw displays of living in expectation from you. Why oh why do we have to keep pleasing others while they don't bother to understand us?

waniey(*^.^*) said...

agree with u miss..n still we r humans with feelings..so..mr.amiruddin fadzli..take everything positively..myb ur family member themselves have their own problems..we missed u too..